Hello from the upside down!

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#Hello

Hi there!

I don’t know how to start, so I’ll just start.

Today I’m writing this text for those who hate their lives, who are willing to end their lives the soonest possible. I don’t know you, neither I know how old you are, why, etc. - I know nothing about your issues, problems or anything else that might have led you to this choice or even idea of considering such outcome.

Some time ago I was told that I’m sick and that’s strange being alive in my case (!!!!) The main mystery for the docs was that my case doesn’t show any visible aggravations. Ouch! My doc was considering me as some sort of a living dead (did you like the film? he was shocked at me.) As for me, I was hopeless; I hated the terrified glance of the medical staff.

Thank God I have survived this information and their diverse sorts of treatment.

Thank God I have survived some more time… and about 8 or 9 years now. I have consulted different doctors, I have tried various therapies, I have asked random people to help me.

OK. I’m a living person, yet I’m making afraid the people that are aware of my diagnosis.

So, for some time I forgot about my condition; actually, I tried not to follow the recommendations of my docs. Everything was all right. I was happy; sometimes I was unhappy. Nothing special. I’ve graduated from the University; I’ve married a special guy I was in love with since my secondary school. I was a casual, normal human being with my goals, failures, and successes. I was thinking about traveling somewhere abroad; I could even scratch up a few pounds for this dream. Yes, I was so brave and courageous that I afforded some dreams and even lofty agenda.

Recently I had to revisit my docs due to some relapse (of that terminal diagnosis that couldn’t relapse as I had to be dead 8 years ago!)

This situation was a kind reminder. Once again I was treated. It was not better nor worse. It just was in my recent past. The doctors complimented my conditions and my well-being. This time they promised me that I’ll survive and everything will be all right if I visit them every 6 months, and give them huge sums of money every time.

I hope I can trust them. Though no-one said me so for the first time. I’m sill afraid. I’m terrified.

Today I think that I know what’s going on and why it’s happening.

You may also guess what’s wrong. Yep. Anything you think you are right. All of our problems come from ourselves. Anything you do cause the side effect. Any sin you commit gives its results in our lives.

I don’t know. I won’t teach you; I won’t tell you I’m right and someone is wrong. What I want is to share my experience.

What now? I wanted to tell you that I try to change my thinking to the positive one (yeah, it sounds impossible), today I try to live each day of my life, I don’t want to cross out the days from my calendar. Instead, I want each day to remain notable; I hope I could remember anything good and not so good happening to me.

Oh! I don’t know how to explain it better: be happy every day! Be grateful for every day!

Reconsider your bad mood from this point of view: you could not wake up today!!!

You’re 99 years old, and you’re tired? Forget it! You have to live each day and be grateful and happy. You’ve got a badass boss, crazy children, stupid someone else in your environment? I’m sorry, but I want to force you to be happy, to take your neck and shake your body shouting at your morose face!

Today you had sunlight in your windows, now you may see the Moon. It’s cold or hot there where you live. Be grateful for this! It’s a must for anyone!

I started appealing to those who are not happy with their saddest lives ever.

I used to be not so happy before. Today I reconsidered my bad mood, stupid sad thoughts.

It’s a bright, not a somber world. Though anything may happen here. Maybe you have your real big bad issues, you have not enough money for your dreams (high five), you are sick, old, young, poor, rich, smart, stupid, blind, deaf, in prison, homeless, hopeless, anyone else.

Here I’d like to insert my opinion about my condition: I could have reconstructed my hearing after almost losing it, I don’t have the best sight, I’m not too smart nor too stupid, I might have give you high five for each of the points except being old, though maybe for someone who was dead before his or her 30s I’m old enough.

Head up! Watch at/ or touch/ or smell/ or listen to something near you. You’re alive! Aren’t you happy? Please, don’t make me cry, I have seen those bodies and those guys with similar issues - they aren’t living, it’s hard to watch them, it’s harder to talk to them. People! They are so happy! They look crazy, and they sound madmen, they speak lo-o-oney. But they are happy!

I’ve become friends with an older guy who is the most active among the people I met at the hospital. He could hardly walk on his pair of crutches, and he was constantly falling. He was trying to run being in this state of health! That’s the positive thinking! I wish you could take him for a model for your positive thinking.

I’ve thought recently that each day of our lives is one more day nearer to the death or reborn (according to your religion and ideas). That’s amazing, awful, somehow else with negative meaning. But yet it’s amazing and awful with their positive set of meanings: you’re alive today, you have your way to go through and you won’t dye until you do something important in your life - for yourself or the whole world. You can consider it as the ‘prediction’ or ‘destination’, ‘assignment’ - anything you like as a definition.

Of course you may want to finish your suffering. Oh, come on! You’ve made it to this point and just don’t let yourself do this. Your current situation is made just for you to prepare yourself for something else (usually it’s a better thing or situation - I know it from my experience ;-)

Now it seems to be everything I wanted to tell you for today. And again I beg your pardon for being rude.